Sunday, March 28, 2010
Only up
Saying what is essential. What we need in life on lists. Sustenance or clothes; a place to stay out of the weather. Home. Oh home! But what kind of existence is that where we only have what we need to live? We can keep people alive. We can hook them up to machines and make their hearts pump. We can feed them. Yes, we can keep you alive. That mustn't be confused with making you live. We can't make someone live, just keep them alive.
One might call being alive a starting point. Where we begin. We climb from there. We choose to live. The question becomes not "what do I need to live?" But, "what do I need to be happy?" Truly, the correlation between living, and happiness: Between surviving and satisfaction, is a larger one. We move to more ethereal, emotional, realms. To be loved, to be understood, to do, to love. We start to grasp at life and shake it! Sift it, find what clings and climbs, and what sinks to the bottom. Start to understand what satisfies, edifies, personifies, self. Where we stand. Find confidence in that! Supplies provided by one who knows, we can build a foundation. Our foundation. This rock we've built on, sure. This divine rock. Then, we know where we stand. We are living now. We can sit in the still of night and know we exist. We live. We can smile. Now, now we may find joy.
Then, one mustn't confuse living, being satisfied, with finding joy. Not just to live this good, but we seek excellence! We will Thrive. We will Climb. Higher. To not just live, but scream in vibrancy! To sail through the night sky of existence like some celestial flame, and one may look in wonder. Look! Look at life! Look at happiness! And, Living. Standing. Standing is a great place to start.
One might call being alive a starting point. Where we begin. We climb from there. We choose to live. The question becomes not "what do I need to live?" But, "what do I need to be happy?" Truly, the correlation between living, and happiness: Between surviving and satisfaction, is a larger one. We move to more ethereal, emotional, realms. To be loved, to be understood, to do, to love. We start to grasp at life and shake it! Sift it, find what clings and climbs, and what sinks to the bottom. Start to understand what satisfies, edifies, personifies, self. Where we stand. Find confidence in that! Supplies provided by one who knows, we can build a foundation. Our foundation. This rock we've built on, sure. This divine rock. Then, we know where we stand. We are living now. We can sit in the still of night and know we exist. We live. We can smile. Now, now we may find joy.
Then, one mustn't confuse living, being satisfied, with finding joy. Not just to live this good, but we seek excellence! We will Thrive. We will Climb. Higher. To not just live, but scream in vibrancy! To sail through the night sky of existence like some celestial flame, and one may look in wonder. Look! Look at life! Look at happiness! And, Living. Standing. Standing is a great place to start.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Gratitude, Joy; Core
I walked the street this week, down roads that seem unfit for walking. Cars blaring by, trees scarce, and grass still just waking up and waiting for the emerald blood to rush to it's head. But, oh could I walk in the daylight and feel the sun and know that there is God.
I exist. I really do. I don't disappear every night, or cease with the coming day to present myself. I wake. We all wake. Why do we all wake? I wish I could be there for the deciding moment when one gets out of bed. See the resolve. The grit. The determination. The "yes life is, but it is" in their eyes. But, I am privileged I can see it in my own. Look here eyes, speak; tell me what i want to know.
Walking then, and taking stock of how grateful I am to exist. How grateful I am for the color blue in the skies, and being able to see the color blue, and being able to feel in it that deep mesmerizing. Oh blue sky, Oh sunset, for having no judgment on what I am. To feel strength in God's creations, all of them, and to feel that sure attachment to my divine father in those choice moments of brisk air. Alive. I am alive and I know I am, and he knows I am, and I know he is, and I feel him in me as he felt me in him and bled for that feeling. And dear father loved him for it. I love him for it.
Expansive: Walking and knowing I am grateful for more than this. Expanding out, My fathers love for those I love. Expansive, all knowing, all giving, all allowing, and I follow. Follow me him that I may love them. Look at his trust that I may trust them. Oh Father, how grateful am I for that love held for them I adore. Them I adore.
I have made many promises in life. Many agreements. Agreements I would hope benefit all. Hands to shake and signatures to give. Hugs and kisses. We part for a time, but just for a time, as a trust is given. You can see it, see it in the wake they walk. See it in their eyes and hear it. Hear it in the way they talk. In the way they say goodbye. And, though I cannot see it in God's step, he leaves other ques. See him wink between the branches. Watch the lights at night high above, and feel yourself slip away in confidence.
One starry night and I could see it in brown eyes. Defined look, strong moment. Affectionate seal. Sliding palms. And she walks.
How grateful I am we all exist.
I exist. I really do. I don't disappear every night, or cease with the coming day to present myself. I wake. We all wake. Why do we all wake? I wish I could be there for the deciding moment when one gets out of bed. See the resolve. The grit. The determination. The "yes life is, but it is" in their eyes. But, I am privileged I can see it in my own. Look here eyes, speak; tell me what i want to know.
Walking then, and taking stock of how grateful I am to exist. How grateful I am for the color blue in the skies, and being able to see the color blue, and being able to feel in it that deep mesmerizing. Oh blue sky, Oh sunset, for having no judgment on what I am. To feel strength in God's creations, all of them, and to feel that sure attachment to my divine father in those choice moments of brisk air. Alive. I am alive and I know I am, and he knows I am, and I know he is, and I feel him in me as he felt me in him and bled for that feeling. And dear father loved him for it. I love him for it.
Expansive: Walking and knowing I am grateful for more than this. Expanding out, My fathers love for those I love. Expansive, all knowing, all giving, all allowing, and I follow. Follow me him that I may love them. Look at his trust that I may trust them. Oh Father, how grateful am I for that love held for them I adore. Them I adore.
I have made many promises in life. Many agreements. Agreements I would hope benefit all. Hands to shake and signatures to give. Hugs and kisses. We part for a time, but just for a time, as a trust is given. You can see it, see it in the wake they walk. See it in their eyes and hear it. Hear it in the way they talk. In the way they say goodbye. And, though I cannot see it in God's step, he leaves other ques. See him wink between the branches. Watch the lights at night high above, and feel yourself slip away in confidence.
One starry night and I could see it in brown eyes. Defined look, strong moment. Affectionate seal. Sliding palms. And she walks.
How grateful I am we all exist.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Goals, Patience: Metamorphosis
The sun is playing hide and seek with me. We have been playing my entire life, but recently the competition has been heated. He veils himself behind clouds and teasingly grants only a moment or only a minute or almost a full hour of warm desirable presence. Thus, vindictively, I have decided that I will also hide, shadowed in The Structure (echo echo echo), and only come out for moments or minutes or almost full hours. I make the excuse of calling it schooling, but now you all know the truth. There are times, however, when I chance to show myself that the outing is mutual (against all odds), and we meet full on. I prepare myself for excuses or a sudden disappearance, but the dear silly sun then acts strangely in that manner that is as if nothing has happened between us; as if there never were any game at all, and I find myself helpless and obliging. In those sudden unearthly moments my arms are free and embracing the embrace of my warm, callous, distant, harsh, soft, nourishing, hypocritical, friend. *Sigh* Then the game is on again.
I find that like the sun I and my goals have a very off association at times. Hiding from them was never intentional, but the darker parts of my mind often choose just those things to shroud. Perhaps they know that a ship without a destination is nothing more than a toy boat. Who doesn't want a toy boat? But toys become tiresome and without purpose. Ships do not. Goals are as lasting and as eternal as destinations, One after the other with no end: the travel is the prize. The destination is the port before the next plunge, and every plunge builds as we achieve our purpose. Oh purposes. To have financial stability (or rather, to have finances). To read every book I own. To write every day. To speak what I mean at the right moment, when I speak. To give everyone the space they need. To improve upon all of my relationships. To visit the temple more often. To bear enough patience to do any of these things, and then, to not forget about them in the waiting.
It is in the waiting I suffer most. If I appear calm it is because I am forgetting something. There is SO much I am waiting for. I write it down, plan the necessary steps, wait for a satisfying life-shatteringly gigantic change to suddenly occur, and then.... then wait.
It is said that Time waits for no one, and I will say that I wait for time. I wish we could make some sort of allegiance. I feel so capably changeable and it restrains me with hours and days and weeks and years. Rules rules rules! Necessary (necessary necessary). Ouch. Painful. This metamorphosis.
I feel like this room is my cocoon and that day by day my life is filling with colors and wings that I cannot entirely see, but that others seem to. The look in their eyes makes me question--question what I am--for the better. Maybe the look in my eyes does the same for all of you. Maybe we are all, in our best state, the most loving of mirrors. Maybe that is frightening. Maybe that is why we play hide and seek.
I find that like the sun I and my goals have a very off association at times. Hiding from them was never intentional, but the darker parts of my mind often choose just those things to shroud. Perhaps they know that a ship without a destination is nothing more than a toy boat. Who doesn't want a toy boat? But toys become tiresome and without purpose. Ships do not. Goals are as lasting and as eternal as destinations, One after the other with no end: the travel is the prize. The destination is the port before the next plunge, and every plunge builds as we achieve our purpose. Oh purposes. To have financial stability (or rather, to have finances). To read every book I own. To write every day. To speak what I mean at the right moment, when I speak. To give everyone the space they need. To improve upon all of my relationships. To visit the temple more often. To bear enough patience to do any of these things, and then, to not forget about them in the waiting.
It is in the waiting I suffer most. If I appear calm it is because I am forgetting something. There is SO much I am waiting for. I write it down, plan the necessary steps, wait for a satisfying life-shatteringly gigantic change to suddenly occur, and then.... then wait.
It is said that Time waits for no one, and I will say that I wait for time. I wish we could make some sort of allegiance. I feel so capably changeable and it restrains me with hours and days and weeks and years. Rules rules rules! Necessary (necessary necessary). Ouch. Painful. This metamorphosis.
I feel like this room is my cocoon and that day by day my life is filling with colors and wings that I cannot entirely see, but that others seem to. The look in their eyes makes me question--question what I am--for the better. Maybe the look in my eyes does the same for all of you. Maybe we are all, in our best state, the most loving of mirrors. Maybe that is frightening. Maybe that is why we play hide and seek.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Comprehension
Certainly life is a scary thing. Never knowing what lies in that peripheral shadow: eyes unable to penetrate deep that dark ahead. We rely on someone who can. We find peace in divinity. We have a Father who knows. How very comforting! Because he knows, we can feel safe. Oh to feel safe! Oh to know! Learning, then, is a cure. Is mandate. Learning and taking to heart. Understanding. Not a normal knowledge we seek, but one that allows us the sight inside ourselves: lets us say "I." What an aware statement! To say "I" with confidence. To understand what we are as God does. What we truly are. And then, to begin to say I understand.
I understand: Me. I understand: this storm. I understand: this move, this question, this moment, this reason, this life. I understand ~this~ ?
I understand why I did that...
I understand why you did...
I understand why!
I understand!
I understand!
...And when I don't I know someone who does. Divine someone, together we comprehend. We understand that there are no unfair endings. Only fitting ones.
And there:
Peace.
I understand: Me. I understand: this storm. I understand: this move, this question, this moment, this reason, this life. I understand ~this~ ?
I understand why I did that...
I understand why you did...
I understand why!
I understand!
I understand!
...And when I don't I know someone who does. Divine someone, together we comprehend. We understand that there are no unfair endings. Only fitting ones.
And there:
Peace.
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