Who we are

              Sometimes, as an empath, it is easy to get lost in someone elses life, perceptions, and feelings. We lose our own and start to embrace something we cannot control: Somebody else. Oh! The importance of loving someone and desiring to understand them cannot be understated, but the importance to do so from the single strongest point we can stand (our own) is also un-understateable.    
               Our sense of life and love must originate from the mainspring of our own existence as provided for by a Loving father in heaven. We must stand on our own ground and till our own fields, watering them with the sweet life and Charity of a giving and eternal God. That water we must draw ourselves, and those plants hand chosen by our own interests. We must hold those things close to us, so that we can be what we truly desire and others can learn from that. Others can marvel at our garden as we marvel at theirs. And in our desire to acquaint ourselves with the sweet marvels of another person (especially those intimate with us) we can appreciate all that they are, and give room for it with the understanding it is their garden, and ours is ours. Grow life. Grow.

Here we have N

          Something like indescribable, we find intuition seeping from little cracks in the folds of reality. Little bits of everything that we want to know, and as we use it and try to take it into reality we think to ourselves: What is this mad mad thing called life? But no translation is necessary, that is the maddest of all things. Like trying to make words from a violin concerto. Flowery Powerly nothing describes it best.
          We follow those promptings, and with a little divine help we get it right. Just like sensing can follow reality, true reality, and never go wrong. We all follow reality, just different shapes of it. Different aromas, words, realities of the same thing. Going to the same place. Truth.
          Finding that the world likes to see so much of results, but perhaps more of how those results came to be; The journey of their crawl to the light of day, rather than just the fact that they made it: We see that those who cannot explain in a logical way must learn to explain in a differing and evocative analogy. And so with intuition it becomes like: Like the many beautiful and aesthetic facets and objects of life. Bubbles and sunsets and the smell of good books. Etc. Etc. Etc.
          Keep our own journals do we (do we?) all, in our languages each own for documentation.For the world through our eyes. Intution and wonderful sense.

Up one side, down another

        They say that life is like a rollercoaster. They also say that life has a high point (golden years) and then becomes falling action. These two analogies seem to clash. In one the falling is the action, in another it is the low after the high. On a rollercoaster it is the getting lower that is the high, and the highest point is also the fastest and steepest decline. I bring this up and out so that one may understand that I feel a deep regard for the past, and like so many times it has carried me to the brink of change and then watched me plummet through the ensuing choices with brilliant speed, screams, and laughter. Such points seem spontaneous: that moment over the hill seeming the only thing to give drive to the ride of life, but in essence these points are neither spontaneous or coincidental. The climb was just as important as the tipping point. Thus we go and work and toil up one side of the hill, and then experience the rush of the other as we let that work and these decisions take us. Take us speedily once more to the ground level of life, though that may be a bit higher now.
         Up one side lies a school of touch and the hard incremental lessons of friendship, consistency, self analysis and honesty. Happiness at existing and having and making the decisions and life around us; so masterfully crafted. Happiness at being what I am. Hard lessons full of emotional creation and humbling realizations, sometimes in shear magnitude. (It is humbling to realize the magnitude of ones abilities and that you had mistakenly thought they were meager. Humbling  to note that God has given you so much, and you refused to see it because you considered your self-worth so low). I know now much more than I did that life is ours and we have the means to live it. Full ability. The walking becomes  fuller, and the steps forward more meaningful, with such a realization. Up one side and the distance and height has become greater than ever before. The ability to be this much more be-able. The point of decision has become monumental and dynamic. We are crafting life with more skill now. And as one does so one finds that those screaming laughing parts of life, those accelerated and rich moments launch us farther then ever before, and to new grand heights.

Engaged

              It is funny how easily moments of time become life and legend in history. We are expected to remember things like our first kiss, our first car, our first time doing any number of things. Those moments can sometime sneak up on you. No fanfare like one would suspect. No culmination other than the chronic movement, the mellow building of life. The sudden awareness will hit you then. It has happened. It just did. Silent and sudden and brilliant, like a sunrise. It doesn't suddenly fly over the ridges of mountains, it climbs slowly until the glory of it is exposed.
             On May 31st I found myself watching a ridiculously unromantic movie with my sweetheart, Alex April Leeann Grover. Coraline is concerned with Spiders and Flys, But in any circumstance it appears words of the spirit can be heard, and God picks interesting times (mindful in the grand scheme I am sure) to help us make big decisions. Thus, at about 11:55 or so, without any romantic get-away or planned words, I suddenly asked her if she still felt too young to marry, all previous conversations ending in the conviction that we still needed time to grow (a conviction I painfully understood). As easily as I asked, feeling suddenly nothing to lose, she answered with an astonishing "no, I'm not too young." The words that came to me during an especially frantic and creepy scene of Coraline were then admonished "You had better propose to her Cory." Alex then lent forward and no fear in her eyes or word, said "Yes, of course I will marry you."
             Engaged now, life takes on such a double meaning. Things about me remain about my own life, but then there is the level of me being unified: what things mean to us. How from our own selves we bring to the table such strengths, and help eachother with such flaws. How we can fully live, but at the end of the day the young couple can come together and ask and be and fine a companion.
             Engaged us. Alex + Cory.

Just before tomorrow

           After a spring evening, days of sacrament and singing birds are essential. Arms around waists, shoulders, legs, and necks. Skies look bluer, and grass greener. A little more sunlight can brighten any day, but a lack of dust makes everything a bit crisper.
           We wear Sunday best for honoring, and feel our Sunday best for keeping. We can take the Sacrament and feel worthy. We can hold eachother as peers with great sustenance for one another. Support me on your shoulder, as I do for you: like a hand that draws itself. A relationship has no beginning and end, At least I am not the beginning, and I am not the end. We lean on eachother, and built ourselves up to do so.
           Starlight greets an evening walk, would make the perfect wedding band; so alight in the dark. Graves with flags and carry any amount of conversation, and the entire time we wonder. Best to wonder and to be our best, keep to our honest intentions and realize that they are good enough. We cannot be what we are not, so we won't be. I bring myself to the table. I'm slightly candy coated, but that is just me.
           Sleeping now.

Far-Fetched

            There isn't a place to hide that what you are is far-fetched. Out there. Abstract. A little bit crazy. You know you are.
            Don't doubt it.
            Don't tell me you don't think yourself just a little bit different than the man standing next to you, or even your brother. It is okay. ~You are~ No need to claim you aren't a bit out of the ordinary, because the ordinary doesn't extend past a few select interests or standard social norms, perhaps even beyond ourselves. We are normal (exactly what we want to be), do we want that normal to change? Our normal should be happy. Making Normal!
           Lets talk about shirts. Some like tank tops. Some like tees. Some people don't wear shirts. They are normal too. They are them. For some a smile is normal, for another it is a special occasion or bears a particular use. That is their normal, and perhaps in this world the acceptance that everyone is a small bit far-fetched--that understanding--will allow us to accept the unlikely. Meet the uncomfortable. Smile at the unexpected, and value everyone's own honest sense of style just a little bit more.
           Far-fetched us, oh be.

Diligence

        This is no praising, self indulgent post. This is more of a plea, a sharp desire for diligence. Diligence in all people and all matters of life. Diligence towards the Lord, towards happiness, enlightenment, and perfection. Wading through mud towards the final goal, working towards the very end. Keeping our word.
        Diligence ties with sincerity, hope, and faith. Diligence embarks into the night with the bright hope of tomorrow: reaches for the stars with the knowledge that we increase in ability to reach them.
        I've made goals (I have stars). I've made the decision to finish school, to work, to wait for the right time to get married. Now comes the diligence, the fighting against seeking after something else, losing interest, or losing hope. Stepping up, learning more and more, finding joy in the striving. I feel part of diligence is learning to enjoy the day to day and the working. Learning to enjoy the industry of it all.
        It may not seem a glorious battle, one where victory and dramatics play the grand role. It may seem as the gray of an unending day, the overhanging clouds that do nothing. But the day progresses, the night does come. Sleep, then morning, and we choose to make it interesting, advancing, and learning. We choose to make the day any better or honest or true; any smarter than the previous day. We can choose! Creativity in diligence truly does exist!       
       Then, Forward now into this day or night, gloom or shine, we go. We take with us preparation, supplies: spiritual and physical rations. Plans towards happiness and perfection. And we take the first steps with the first minutes: here in this Earthly setting where time will push on for us and never without us. Then come! We can be dragged by our coat-tails, if you will; or we can march.
I want to march.